Mob Boss

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. “Grandson, I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.”

”You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?”

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DISCREPANCY

This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."

"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."

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TOILET PAPER TRICK

A couple were in their bedroom and the wife says to her husband, “I wish I had bigger tits”.

The husband says, “well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months”.

“How will that help to make my tits bigger?” asks the wife.

“Well it worked for your ass”, says the husband.

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